Recently, a man was transported to my emergency department by EMS from a local convenience store. He suddenly started to feel unwell and then collapsed.

Bystander CPR was started quickly, and EMS was on the scene in 3 minutes. They started an IV and ACLS protocol. His rhythm was Torsade de Pointes on arrival.

We continued CPR, intubated, shocked, and gave a variety of drugs. He survived to get cooled by the MICU team and was alive in the MICU as I wrote this.

Everything went just as it was supposed to. How often does that happen? Overall, it was a very satisfying experience for everyone involved.

While we were in the midst of the resuscitation, however, a funny thing happened:

His cell phone rang.

We all looked at each other wondering if someone should answer it. I said to the nurses, “It’s God; don’t answer it. This guy is not ready yet.” We laughed and continued the resuscitation.

The day after, I wondered what the conversation would have been if it truly was God calling …

Hello. This is George’s phone.

No, he’s not available to speak to you this moment. May I ask who’s calling?

Really. I’m not trying to be blasphemous, but how can I be sure that it’s you, God?

Yes, I do remember that night in 1982.

OK, OK—I believe you now. Well, it’s a pleasure to speak to you, Father. I never thought I would get to speak to you until . . . you know.

Gosh, if I knew you were going to call, I’d have prepared some questions. I’ve got a thousand of them.

Like, where do the heavens end, why did you make mosquitoes, and why do dogs turn a circle before they lie down?

Yes, yes. I understand that these things will all be revealed in time. I just thought you might …

Right, I’m sure there are lots of rules about this kind of thing.

By any chance, is Jesus sitting next to you?

Doesn’t do cell phones. Sure, I understand. Is he really always on your right?

Just a figure of speech; got it.

So, I’m being rude taking up your time. How can I help you?

Yes, I’m familiar with the 10 Commandments. I’ve read them, and I even saw the movie.

I can’t name them by number, but I’ve got the general idea.

By the way, did the Red Sea really . . . oh, never mind.

Yes, I try to follow them.

Sure, I see how that would be a big help to you when people do that.

When I asked if I could help you, I was asking if there was a specific purpose for your call to George. I see you’re not on his Fave 5, so you probably don’t talk to him often.

Right. Really, I thought that “calling him home” was—how can I put this?—an earthly expression.

Well, I don’t want to interfere with your plans, but he’s got a sinus rhythm and a blood pressure of 90. What I mean by that is . . .

Yes. Sure. I guess you did invent all that and have a good understanding of it.

Anyway, he’s looking pretty alive right now. What would you like me to do?

Well, thank you. I’ll try to keep doing a good job.

Yes, Torsades is a tough rhythm problem. Right. Magnesium.

You’re not going to believe this. Well, I guess you would believe it. He just went from sinus to asystole—BAM!—like the TV cooking guy.

Emeril. Right. Yes, you’re right, I did eat there once.

Anyway. It seems that he is dead. I take it you’ll be talking to George in person now.

He’s there already? Man, that was fast. Sure, speed of light and all. Please tell him we tried.

Right, all things revealed.

Thanks for calling. Talk to you soon, God. Well, not too soon, I hope.

Right, the servant never knows …

Dr. Baehren lives in Ottawa Hills, Ohio. He practices emergency medicine and is an assistant professor at the University of Toledo Medical Center. Your feedback is welcomed at David.Baehren@utoledo.edu.