It’s impossible to buy gifts for my dad. So I’m going to get him a stethoscope.

Hear me out now.

This year, because I was working and my brother was in Colorado with his fiancée, we decided to do Christmas at Mardi Gras. We’re from New Orleans, and it’s been about 15 years since my brother and I were together with everyone for Mardi Gras. It’s a festive time, so we figured, why not?

Now, I have been wracking my brain for 2 months trying to figure out what to get him. Eventually, I asked for a hint. The response was an email with a link to a commemorative belt buckle from the Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico. It was $20 or so. Well, I didn’t think that was enough.

I also got him a smaller version of the leg lamp that The Old Man got as a “Major Award” in the movie “A Christmas Story.” It even came in a box marked FRAGILE (that’s fra-GEE-lay for those of you who don’t know Italian).

Well, it wasn’t that expensive either. Not that I think a gift has to be expensive to be nice, not at all. It’s just that my dad has sacrificed so much and invested a lot of money in me and my education (we went to private school K-12, even though my parents didn’t make much money), and I feel that he deserves for me to spend money on him.

So, I am going to get him a nice stethoscope with his name engraved.

My father is not a physician. He is a retired computer programmer. When he got out of the Army in 1977, he took a job as a manager at Wendy’s. This is a man with a degree in economics from Tulane University. At one point, he had three jobs, including the Army Reserves and working part-time as a real estate agent. He wanted us to have the best education so we could get ahead and enjoy our lives.

And thus, my father’s reputation as a caregiver began.

When my mother was in her early 40s, she was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. It is a horrible disease, and I believe the years she was on steroids contributed to her death of a brain aneurysm at age 48 – three weeks before my father’s 50th birthday.

This man could tell you not only all the medications and dosages my mother was on, but he actually could explain the pathophysiology of her disease.