“Are you hurt?”

“Hell, yeah. I just told you I got shot. You really gotta work on the listenin’ skills.”

“Yes, sir. I mean no, sir. I know you got … I know you were shot. Did you hurt yourself when you dove down the steps?”

“Couple a scrapes,” he says dismissively.

“Do you have a … Oh, never mind that one.”

“What?”

“We’re supposed to ask if you have a firearm in the home,” she says, voice trailing off.

“That’s a stupid question. Round here, you’d be better to ask who doesn’t. I got the double-barrel Winchester – that’s the one she nailed me with. Then I got a .22 long for squirrels and other varmints, couple of .38s for the human varmints, my good deer rifle, and a semiauto pistol the Mrs. gave me last Father’s Day.”

“I’ll mark that as a yes. Last question. Do you wear a seat belt?”

“Hell, no. I was sprawled out in the bed of the F-150.”

“Okay … the doctor will be in soon to ask you some questions.”

If you just let the patient talk, usually they answer all the stupid questions.

Dr. Baehren lives in Ottawa Hills, Ohio. He practices emergency medicine and is an assistant professor at the University of Toledo (Ohio) Medical Center. Your feedback is welcome at David.Baehren@utoledo.edu.